Private & Confidential

I was being interviewed by the HR girl of Reliance Life Sciences. Anything she asked me was in and around blogging. “Why did you feel the need to blog? Why don’t you just write a diary?” she asked. I was a bit perplexed for two reasons. One, she was really pretty, and my eyes stuck to hers; second, this was something I hadn’t thought about myself. Blogging just happened, it did not occur to me, that I have to sit and think about it, weigh the pros and cons, and then decide.

Of course, I always loved writing a diary too. It has a personal touch to it, as it is handwritten. Perhaps I wrote a diary when I was around 12^th. Not really an appropriate time to write one, I can surely say, because college is when the most exciting things happen. Mine was a typical roller coaster ride, and every event in itself could be made into a mega-serial. So what was the problem? Big big problem! What if this diary gets into the hands of wrong people (as in dad & mom)? How can they understand the situation or circumstance, and what I was thinking at that point when I jotted something down? They freaked out, and my diary-writing days came to a sad end. I was even made to tear up the pages, lest some director chanced upon them, and converted them into a multi-starrer movie. I bid good riddance to this dangerous hobby.

Blogging just happened. It was not meant to be a substitute to writing a diary. Of course, with a diary, only those who read it freak out. With a blog, the whole world is gonna freak out (not that I say the whole world reads my blog, I just like to think that way). Although I had to put brakes on what I reveal online, I was mostly honest … and hid very few things. I blatantly revealed the villainous nature of my brother … my dad became soft on me fearing what I’ll write about him … even friends played safe. So, unknowingly, the blog turned out to be a diary … it became a vent for my frustration … an outlet for my joyous feelings … and a tool to get things done my way!

The above 2 paragraphs condensed into a couple of lines was what I told to that HR girl. She was impressed. Although the technical round was a bit challenging, yet the HR girl was impressed, and that made me happy. Even if I didn’t get the job, I would marry her. But things quite did not happen that way; I got the job, but rejected the offer. The HR girl never called me again. But if I ever write a diary … I’ll make it a point to write about the HR girl. Dad, your eyes red again?

Fact / Fiction ?

You guys know I had been to Chitradurga recently. No no, this certainly is not a report of that, I’m certain you ain’t looking forward to it. There was this tourist guide there, who went on rambling about how the fort used to be, what the rock patterns meant, how the soldiers breached the fort, and blah blah! It made me think, how much of this History we know of, or hear of, is actually true?

Especially for a place like Chitradurga, facts in the form of, perhaps scriptures or in any form available are very little. ThaRaSu, the great Kannada story-writer is said to have written 700+ pages of the Chitradurga Saga from just a piece of paper. Of course, a lot of creativity and imagination went into it; but what if the same amount of creativity and imagination has crept into all those events which we believe actually happened.

At one end, there is this din on whether Ram and the Ram Sethu exist? NASA pictures have actually proved that a bridge does exist between India and SriLanka. The Pandavas have travelled all over India, and left their marks everywhere, or so it is believed. What if none of this is true? What if everything was just a plain old bed time story told to some little brat who refused to sleep? Of course, if this were true, you have to commend the imagination of that mother. Ramayana and Mahabharata are without doubt some of the greatest stories ever written.

But coming back to what I was talking about, I’m sure you can’t entirely dismiss the view that the History we believe in maybe just a figment of imagination. Ever read The DaVinci Code? It tells you some aspects of Christianity that you never dreamt of; I’m not saying it is true, I’m just saying it is possible. The tradition being followed from thousands of years may all end up in vain, if such a thing happens.

I remember this story we had in English literature. The scenario starts off at the time when every living being on earth is killed; the ice age has set in; and nothing is left on earth. Some beings from a distant planet happen to visit earth, and try to gather some evidence to understand how life was on earth. They happen to obtain a video-tape buried deep in snow. The aliens spend a lot of time in research to design a cassette player, and finally they succeed. They watch the video, and then announce their conclusions – “Living beings as we believe on earth, stand erect on their two legs. They are very fast creatures, and always run around in a hurry. They tend to fall from buildings, burn in fires, get hit by moving vehicles, yet nothing seems to happen to them”. As these conclusions are made, the video finally flashes “Walt Disney Corp”.

So, by seeing a 30-minute Mickey-Mouse show, the aliens came to a conclusion about how the earthlings were. What if our History is something like this? All the epics, all the stories we believe actually are true, might just be stories written by some talented writer, who just let his imagination flow. Quite possible, right?

Cheers !

“One more hurdle for a longer nightlife in Bangalore has been cleared. The home department has given the green signal for the proposal to extend the deadline for pubs from the existing 11.30pm to 1am.”

This is what appeared in the front page of yesterday’s Times of India. I don’t understand why TOI is so bent upon getting Bangloreans drunk. In fact, I really think most Bangloreans aren’t even familiar with the concept of a night-life … it’s a non-native culture.

Ok fine, Bangalore is a multi-ethnic city, we are linguists, and we understand Hindi, English, Tamil and Telugu. We watch all these movies; we celebrate festivals from Holi to Halloweens. Ok fine, I admit, I don’t dance that well (I just drop soap on the bathroom floor, and pretend to step on it unknowingly. If that’s not called dancing, so be it). I’ve never been to a discotheque (ever!). I’ve never been to a pub; if I ever happen to do it (which is probably never), I’d probably order water (and then get kicked out coz I’ll probably ask if they also served masala dosas). So, bottom-line, I don’t understand this ‘nightlife’ concept, and probably I have no right to comment about it.

But with whatever I understand by reading newspapers, reading the crime columns, reading police statistics, and hearing to what friends say, I don’t think we need to have nightlife. That’s not healthy. My friend in college asks “Suhas, Bangalore is such a boring place. If there’s no nightlife, how do you expect us to have fun, relax or beat the stress?” “Sleep” I told her … “Sleep. That’s fun, its relaxing, and is the best stress-buster”. Nature has a way of its own. It keeps us active during the day, asking us to ‘work’. It brings us down in the afternoon, asking us to ‘take it easy, perhaps nap for a while’. Evenings, it makes us ecstatic, telling us to ‘go have fun, shop, eat out, watch a movie, take a walk, dance, sing, and propose to him/her’. Come night, it makes our eyelids droop, and says ‘You had a tiring day. Get some sleep busy-bee’. And experience teaches us, that if nature says it so, better follow it.

Is 1am a time for dancing, and partying, and boozing? Police statistics will tell you how many drunken drivers have run over people sleeping on footpaths, killing them or ending up hurting themselves. Their records will tell you how many cases of sexual harassment have happened around discotheques and pubs midnight, how many murders have been committed, and how many brawls have resulted of this so called ‘nightlife’. And this is not just issues I’m catching from the air. Why do you think the police are so much against this nightlife concept?

11pm deadline is fine. Maybe it is a lot of fun. But have fun till 11pm. Then, come home and sleep. The only people who talk of wanting to have an active nightlife in Bangalore are working in BPOs and Call Centers who have literally spoilt themselves, or papers like TOI which resembles more like a ‘Femina’ or ‘Stardust’ issue, than a ‘proper’ newspaper. These were the guys, who insisted so much on making helmets compulsory (which was absolutely meaningful), these were the guys who started the Lead India Campaign, and these are the guys who think Bangalore needs an extended nightlife. Bullshit !

The e - Factor

I had been to my native's recently. Over-sleeping, living in a restaurant kind of house, where you can get all the food you want, gully-cricket, an evening visit to the Chaat corner, hitting the railway station bench and watching the sun set, revealing secrets, a walk back home in the chilling cold, munching on some capsicum puffs, watching TV sprawled on the floor, popping in some more chur-muri, delicious dinner, and finally hitting the bed, but not to sleep ... to chat ... talk your heart out, until the goddess of sleep envelops us, or the clock strikes 4am, and we close our eyes, dreaming of a visit to the village the next day ... the coconuts ... the village kids ... the slow life. That's the usual native experience.

This time ... all of the above were there ... coupled with sudden emotional outbursts ... nature paints a rosy picture of the life of everyone else surrounding us ... but little do we realize that behind every laughter, there could be an ocean of tears, hidden, and held. What we talked ain't really important, but suddenly, everyone felt this urge to reveal their carefully guarded emotions. Tears fell like tiny raindrops ... as everyone revealed their imperfections. I was not spared too ... in fact I was the first one to lose my composure. But what the heck makes us reveal our closest secrets to someone else ? And is this expression of an emotional outburst really healthy ?

One such SMS i got said "Never be too much expressive to anyone close to you because that might reduce the value of your emotions". Its obvious. Who would take seriously, such a person, who ends up crying at the drop of a pin ? When a person cries over his situation, to him/her, it is as big as the sky falling on top of us (or Himesh acting in a new movie). But little do we realize, that there are million others, who probably face situations a hundred times more grave than this, and yet, are a hundred times more composed. "I was crying that I did not have shoes, until I met a man on the street with no feet" says it all. An emotional outburst generally does not occur due to any one reason; its a pile-up of every event that causes a disturbance, and when the time is ripe, or the head can't hold it longer, it leaks out, or bursts open. Think about it another day, and you feel that you were being just plain stupid. And, tears carry value. They are priceless emotions. But if tears flow like a storm water drain in the rainy season, it does not necessarily achieve its objective. Wouldn't figuring out a problem, ourselves, be a better option, than creating a scene in front of everyone ?

But there's another view. Hiding emotions never did good to anybody. If a man can't laugh when he's happy or cry when he's sad, what's the difference between him and any other animal in the lower species ? And aren't emotions the only way to connect two people without actually saying anything ? Perhaps, not everyone's sensitive enough to figure out their problems, and may actually depend on an external support. In fact, I say this based on my own experiences, it ain't even necessary to ask someone for help. Sometimes, all it needs is, to talk to someone. People generally don't like advice, they just want someone to listen to them ... the burden gets reduced through the words and tears. Its said that "Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts". There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so. And, when such 'thinking' becomes an addiction, it puts one into a vicious circle. Active discussion, in whatever form, can attempt to put a person out of such a circle. So what if a few tears are shed in the process, its known that shedding tears is healthy. Sometimes, there are things that can't be said to parents, talking it out with friends or your closed ones, is much better.

I have no idea which view to adopt. Perhaps, a good balance of both. If you feel like eating a chocolate, go eat it ... wear the outfit you've been dying to wear ... laugh your heart out when you are happy ... cry if you feel like to ... there is no cure for birth or death ... we just have to enjoy the interval in between !!

The sisters...

I continue writing about my cousins, and I introduce 2 of my little sisters to you. They happen to be my mom's brother's daughters ...

The elder one's Madhuri. A 12th standard student, outwardly very silent, shy-natured, sweet-smiled, gentle-in-movement, and a two-goody shoes. But I know what she really is, a brat of course. You can't argue and win with this girl. A debate champ. Her dialogue delivery is to-the-point and straight-forward. Her temper is as cold as a blast furnace. And somehow, I end up as a victim of her flares. We both fight like political parties, we can't stand each other's presence, we don't invite each other to our places, yet we have a blast when together, we talk till 3am every time we meet, and me irritating her, and she blasting me is mandatory in every get-together.

The younger one, few already know her, is Chaitra. She's my all-time favorite. Cousins have often blamed me for my biased opinions on her, but i'm sorry, i can't help it. Unlike her sister, Chaitra has nothing to hide. She is a tom-boy and she makes you realize that in the first meeting itself. She knows no manners, she says "Yeno le" even to a person double her age. She's just around 12, but talks like a college girl. She guides me on 'what a girl wants', on 'what a girl means when she says something', and the most important aspect, 'what to gift a girl on her birthday'. We have the longest conversations, that go beyond 4-30am. She's the sister I always wished I had. Very straight-forward, she can never hide anything from anyone. If she talks less, you know something's wrong with her. She's got so many dimensions, I'm real amazed. She's got a lovely voice, eats like a rakshasi, she has no problems eating ice candies when she has fever and cough, and amazingly she ends up feeling better. She's a lovely painter, you should see the way she paints landscapes, and skies !!

A good cricketer, good at fighting, she can hurt real bad. Most practical, yet, sometimes, she shows you that she's still a 12-year old kid (especially when she runs around putting bubble-gum tattoos on her face). The most amazing sister and a best friend, thats Chaitra.

Sorry once again, a clear bias towards Chaitu, but you know it, i can't help it...

The Vikki with a [V]

This person was so sure that I would never write about him ... I was so sure, that I could write a book about him, before I even blinked my eyes. Meet 'Vikki' ... the chocolate hero of Bangalore. A slap-stick comedian, and a hearth-throb of Bangalore teenage gals. My first cousin, and an awesome friend of mine.

We were Siamese twins since birth. Always together. If God hadn't created separate genders, we would be called the closest couple. Math makes him wet his pants, Cricket runs in his blood, and a he's a big-time fan of WWF (now its WWE i think).

A real funny guy, his one-liners are hilarious. From the time he had to bathe in front of the cows (who were so agitated that day) to the time he was attacked when he was doing what he does best (answering nature's call) ... the thought of him is enough to burst out laughing. His cell-phone contact list is over-populated with names of girls from different colleges; his endless affairs, fights with chinkis, the bashings he receives from his dad, his sister's verbal attacks, all makes him our most adored brother. He is always apprehensive of what I write about him ... so i'll limit myself this time ... he's an 'item' to watch out for ... although he seems to be scared of commitments, he is open to casual flings ...

The guy works ... in a mutual funds company called Franklin Templeton ... don't talk to him about work ... his work is real boring ... but the moolah it involves is the more exciting part ... he may not buy you anything in the interval of a movie ... but he surely fills your stomach with his side-splitting gags. This is Vikki with a [V] !!

Yakshagana

Yakshagana is a classical folk art form of Karnataka. Actors wear costumes and enact various roles. Traditionally Yakshaganas would go on all night.

On a serene Thursday couple of days back, I had to make a choice - have a dekko at a Yakshagana performance nearby ... or watch 'Happy Feet' on DVD (finally !). Suddenly, I felt like exhibiting a fight for the protection of ancient Indian culture ... and surprising myself, I decided to go to the Yakshagana. Mind you, this was my second visit to this folk art; I liked it the first time, but that was way back in school, and ever since, folk art and me had developed such a rift in between them like JDS and BJP in our state (I have to mention this somehow !)

Although my hidden intention was to grab the samosas and chips that I thought would be served, I walked into the auditorium with mom and dad. After the usual blah blah from the organizers, a few attempts to extol each other, and not to mention, the fragrance of baked food enveloping the auditorium, which by the end of the show I realized, was not meant for us ... the magnanimous show began.

The theme was 'Samudra Mathana' ... an attempt by the Devas and Asuras to regain the treasures of Indra, with 'Amrita' (or ambrosia) which was obtained as a by-product, drinking of which results in immortality. It starts with the beating of drums, signalling the arrival of the characters on-stage. A narrator narrates the story in a song-like fashion, backed by musicians. The actors have limited dialogue too (which marks a difference to Kathakali where the actors don't speak at all). What is surprising is, Yakshagana is not limited to Hindu mythology; it has undergone various innovations which includes performances of Shakespeare's works.

The make-up I must say was outstanding; the play lasted for 2 hours, but I am sure the actors took more than 4 hours just to get ready. The entire costume is so intricate, a Goddess looks truly like a goddess, and a Rakshas looks truly like one. The actors, as I got to know later, were either software engineers, or bank employees, and were all women. Their performance has not been limited to India, extending from Germany to Kuwait. The movements are so pronounced, the action is so intense, that actors breaking the stage into pieces, with their powerful performance is quite a common phenomenon.

Overall, it was an outstanding play ... Yakshagana has its origin from around the 10th century. A common misconception is that, it is only limited to coastal Karnataka; its performed everywhere, even outside Karnataka, but of course, it lacks the encouragement of this generation of people, who'd rather go to a concert than such a show. Thats' the irony - the 'one' thing we feel proud about of our country, the 'one' thing due to which we feel that our country's the best in the world, and the one thing we fail to treasure, but do end up exporting it to other nations, is our diverse culture.

The Big B

I have a brother. Lets call him Bharath. Why ? That's his name, that's why you dumb idiot. Ok sorry sorry, I forget you are doing me a big favor by actually reading my posts.

So this Bharath is about 4-years younger to me. Engineering student, 3rd semester. Someone who greedily ate up jackfruit and mangoes as a child, he's a chubby plumpy brat. To me, he was a pest when he was a little boy, you could often find him jumping on me, or destroying high-tech toys that my dad gifted him, instead of a more deserving me.

He moved onto a residential school, sometime around his 6th standard, and our letter correspondence started. I share my longest letter correspondence with him, we wrote to each other almost for 5 years. I still have all his letters, and I loved his style of writing. We probably became better friends through our writing, and our friendship grew.

He came down to Bangalore for his college studies, and we started meeting more often. It was only then I realized that he was wonderful company. There was nothing we did not talk about - Cricket, Tennis, F1, Politics, Actresses, Models, Movies, Songs, Games, anything anything and anything. Talk of trade deficits of third world countries and he would have an opinion on that too. Very very aware he was, of what was happening around.

Don't you dare think our conversations were limited to such superficial aspects. Come midnight, and our real talk starts. Philosophy, figuring out what life is, family problems, everything was talked about. He's the kinda person with whom you'll want to open out and reveal everything, because he exactly understands what you are trying to say.

He's a monster when it comes to Internet Usage. The BSNL guys better read this part, he's the source of all your huge losses last year. 2.5GB is the download limit each month. He downloads hardly 2 GB worth data. But come happy hours (when Internet is literally free, 2am to 8am) he downloads whole movies, all amounting to about 15-20GB (sometimes even more) each month. Thats 15-20GB, can you imagine that ? And he's hoping his dad's gonna get him an Unlimited Internet Plan. If that happens, its better you quit BSNL and move onto AirTel or Sify, as I have a hunch that BSNL is shutting down pretty soon.

He has a big role in giving me one of the best birthday gift - the Calvin collection. Both of us love Calvin, I have slowly allured him to like F.R.I.E.N.D.S and he's begun to like it too. We agree on so many issues, but differ on a lot more (like Akshay Kumar movies for example, he loves them).

Probably that's what makes our relationship special, we laugh together, argue over stuff, enjoy together, fight with each other, and make it a point to put each other into big-time trouble, and are also the ones who rescue each other when one of us is in big-time trouble. He's turning out into a wonderful friend, and I look forward to a wonderful experience with this guy. He's got a cool dress sense, really brilliant, very tech-savvy, great sense of humor and 'single' (that's the most exciting part, ain't it ?)

For bookworms...

You must be knowing about the Book Fair ... in Palace grounds ... have to go ... but there are some books I'd really buy ... no matter what the cost ... I'd love to see these titles this time ... bet you ... they' d be best-sellers:

1) How to pass the GRE exam without taking it up

2) Baby diapers, pads and nappies - explanation with illustration

3) How to get a girl-friend who pays the restaurant bill (all the time)

4) A book for illiterates (written in elegant English)

5) The big book of Deepika Padukone (free wallpapers inside)

6) Why today's music sucks (Linkin Park Audio CD enclosed)

7) The big book of doubts which fathers hate to answer (This should be fun !)

8) The "Why" series (as in why do you care ?)

9) The big book of money (Cut them and use them, use scissors under parental guidance)

10) The story of Suhas (this one will beat the Harry Potter series)

Its a "Black" world out here...

Watching a movie in a theater these days, is a real expensive affair. Its a way of exhausting all those nickels and dimes saved over a period of an year with great difficulty ... with just one go. And to make things worse ... I have to shell out 150 bucks for a terrible Hindi movie ... not to forget the parking fee for my fuel-sucking bike and the pop-corn coke combo for which I end up paying ... and my friends end up gobbling them up ... all the time !!

We were to have a movie get-together this Sunday evening. Vaibhav theater. 6-15 show. Bhool Bhulayya the movie. A bad re-make of Aptamitra. But thats secondary. I go there to book tickets on a Saturday noon ... and a fat man at the gate says its all sold out !! Poof !! Our plans were washed away just like most of the Hindi movies get washed away from the box office these days. "How many tickets do you want?" asks the fat man. "11" I say ... hoping against hope that he knows some tantrik who can produce movie tickets from a pile of ash. "Ok, it will cost you 150 bucks per ticket" says the fat man. "What the heck ??" think I. What are the tickets doing in this man's pocket when it should be at the counter. Fine ... he's selling it in black, but he's from Vaibhav theater itself ... now if these theater guys themselves start selling tickets in black, what the heck will the public do ?

They dont do anything. They just go buy tickets ... no matter what the cost. Idiots they are, either they are way too rich, and scared that if they dont spend money, their dad's gonna invest them in mutual funds, or it is the typical boyfriend who's scared where his girl would think he is stingy, so buys the tickets anyway. "This is not happening" I thought. Straight ... I walked ... to Sanjaynagar Police station ... brought 2 policemen along with me ... to the theater.

Now I thought these policemen had come to catch those culprits. But it seems these guys had other plans. Against my wishes, the 2 brave policemen walked a king's walk ... wielding their stick like a missile launcher ... and within a fraction of a second ... I could see plenty of people running inside the theater ... and then the policemen look at me and ask "Where are those people selling tickets in black ?"

"They are certainly not in my pockets" I wanted to say. The policemen looked for them in the theater ... couldn't find anyone except one ... who did not have any tickets on him ... so was spared. I kept grumbling that this was the man who asked me 150 bucks ... but the policemen were helpless ... "We can't do anything unless we catch them red-handed" they kept saying. The owner of the theater looked a bit confused ... a bit angry ... and was a bit under trepidation as people were crowding around to watch what was happening. But not one person came forward to say that tickets were being sold in black. They were satisfied that they had their tickets, safe in pockets ... and their girlfriends would be happy ... no movie would mean to them ... taking their girl to an expensive restaurant ... this was certainly a better option.

After all the melodrama ... the police guys screamed a bit at everyone ... (even movie goers were not spared) ... he then made an emphatic speech on why Vaibhav must also screen Kannada movies (maybe his wife was constantly nagging him to take her to PVR) ... and then escorted me out ... the owner of the theater came out too ... perhaps to catch a glimpse of me ... to get me beaten if I linger around there again ... and then it was a ride back home for me.

I don't care that those guys weren't put behind bars ... its enough that they now know that some people can go to the extent of complaining ... and that they must be more cautious when carrying out all illegal work ... probably the theater is running into loss ... and they had to adopt this method ... whatever ... but my job's done.

Don't just accept tickets in black ... if you find such a thing's happening ... file a complaint ... dont worry, those theater guys wont do anything to you ... their diminishing finances are their biggest problems ... so they wouldn't want to invite more problems.

No movie this weekend though ... my cousins might turn up ... so probably its gonna be limited to watching some Kannada oldies in my good old DVD player ... actually I did call that theater guy again in the evening ... to ask if tickets were available in black ... he got real angry ... perhaps he was reminded of something ... or someone !!!

Death ... just an event

Another usual event in the hospital. A 3-month old baby was suffering from brain haemorrhage ... a brain surgery was performed a few days back ... in vain ... it was totally dependent on a ventilator for its survival ... the parents of the little baby were asked when the ventilator should be removed ... the parents had to fix a date to 'kill' their baby ... it was today ... the ventilator was taken off ... it took just a few minutes ... why is life so unfair at times ?

ER !

I got the opportunity to spend the last 30 days in a hospital. Hey, don't worry, my kidneys are working just fine ... and I have nothing to do with pregnancy. But rather than call it an opportunity, I must say it was an experience.

Its a world of its own. Gloomy, terrifying, depressing, its just these kind of adjectives that suit a hospital atmosphere. Its sad, but true, everyone prefer visiting their mother-in-law's house rather than visit a hospital ... the reputation is that bad !!

At times of adversity, man unites. Its amazing, complete strangers walk up to me, and enquire about what's happened to whom. Some even go to the extent of comforting me, although I would have appreciated if they had bought me a cup of tea and some onion Pakodas (believe me, there are people who do this too). They tell their stories too, mostly saddening ones, but reflect the graveness of diseases.

But there are moments of fun too. Like the other day, I found this man trying to locate his friend in a labor room. Why he thinks his friend would go into labor I do not know. And there's this other guy to whom profanity is a permanent part of his vocabulary. His every third word of the sentence is an F word ... and he believes all doctors ought to be thrown into a dungeon forever, forgetting the fact that they are the ones who make him feel better, when his motions are loose.
And not to forget, the old man, who decided to take a nice nap right in front of the patient elevator, and refused to budge even though an old woman sitting on a wheel-chair had to be shifted to the General Ward. Upon waking him up, the man demanded that he too be given a proper bed in a ward, or else he'd refuse to pay up the bill.

But one thing is true. Staying overnight in a hospital is something everyone must experience. You really get to respect your life a lot more. Rather than complain that I have got Hitler as a brother, who still flatly refuses to buy me an i-Pod ... I'm more happy I'm passing urine efficiently, my heart pumps enough stuff for the whole body, my intestines are trying their best to search for vitamins in all the crap I eat, and my brain cells are distinguishing between sense and nonsense and all that stuff that gets into my brain. I'm damn lucky to be so alive and healthy ... death is just a daily event in a hospital ... I have seen almost 4 people passing away (from a 2 month old baby to a 50yr woman) ... after seeing all this, I have just dusted my old cycle again ... and I'L probably start off exercising this week ... you too ... live a healthy life ... and if you happen to visit a hospital, let it be only to flirt with the nurses, and not as a patient. Stay happy ... if possible avoid getting married. Kapish !!

My one-liners.....

What’s the one line I’d love to tell all these people? Here it goes...

To dad: “If you hadn’t married mom, where would I be?”

To mom: “If you knew dad was stingy before, would you still marry him?”

To brother: “I’ve managed with my cell-phone for 10 months with a starting balance of just 777 rupees. Don’t you think I’m the best brother in the world?”

To sister-in-law: “Would you please tie this rakhi on your husband’s arm?”

To nephew: “Do you think the Indian Government has to cut down taxes for imported baby diapers?”

To my friends: “If you are my friends, who need enemies?”

To Shahrukh: “You are the king” (respecting the sentiments of all SRK fans)

To Deepika Padukone: “Have we met before?” “I lost my phone number, can I have yours?” “Will you marry me?”

To every BT student: “There is plenty of scope in Biotechnology, but absolutely no job offers”

To committed girls: “You have no idea what you have missed. You just need to look better”

To eligible bachelors: “Back off. I was here first”

Aishwarya Rai: “My PU results toppled because of you”

Sanjay Dutt: “What the heck you doing here. Aren’t you supposed to be in jail?”

Salman Khan: “Ha! Katrina Kaif’s all mine now”

Indian cricket team: Nothing. I don’t talk to losers

You: “Thanks for reading this. Next time, pay me in cash”

Myself: “Shut this off. Its 1am. Its time to watch T.V”

The stalking monster called 'P'

There's this weirdo I know. A supposed-to-be friend of mine. We'll call him 'P'.

P was normal at first. Good guy. Studious. Was an arm's distance away from girls.

M.Sc came and a sudden hormonal imbalance took place. He became a weirdo. A sudden gush of testosterone resulted in a sudden urge to get married as fast as possible.

It always happens this way. When puberty gets delayed, these side effects are imperative. Same case with 'P'. Suddenly he became this big big flirt. Started planning movie dates, wooing girls with Pani Puri and Gobi Manchurian became the order of the day, and the frequency of get-togethers suddenly increased, especially at P's place.

I sat back and just had fun. Until, P started getting me into trouble. I maintain this good reputation and rapport with everyone. Friends find me to be a good boy, a mom's kid. Suddenly, this P started gettin me a terrible reputation, exaggerated all my not-to-be-told stories, and made every person hate me.

Today, even strangers look at me disgustingly. If thats not enough, P even launched a blog kind of a thing and used it as a platform to reveal my dark secrets.

This is not revenge. Its just a warning to all of you. P is the kind of person every father warns their daughter about. There's a weirdo on the loose. You might be his next victim !!

To SRK with love

I’m not drunk. My brains are where they are supposed to be. And I’m not writing this with a gun pointed towards my temporal lobes (don’t mind my scientific awareness). This is a post on King Khan, and for the first time, its an unbiased one. I write this without being influenced by my hatredness towards him.

But why on earth do I hate Shahrukh Khan when the wide population of the girls worship him? Perhaps that’s one of the biggest reasons. I hate it when girls find him more attractive than me.

But on a more serious note, why really? And why on earth am I writing this article? I used my blog to the fullest possible extent to degrade SRK. I questioned his acting ability, I questioned his versatility, I even questioned his gender. I declared a full scale war on the movie ‘Don’ and dubbed it into the worst movie ever made. I would have gone on and on, unless I would be attacked by a girl, a girl who adores him.

Yes, Ishita my class-mate, pounced on me for speaking thus, and things would have taken a bad turn if I hadn’t taken back my words. Throughout M.Sc, we often had arguments over this topic. She hates the way I speak of SRK, and I was scared where she would one day drive a lorry over me. So Ishita, let me tell you this shocking fact, I was a die-hard fan of SRK once upon a time. The story goes like this…

Darr and Baazigar were wonderful movies of that time. I was impressed; SRK was slowly becoming popular. Although he dies a brutal death in both these movies, it was certain, this person was one to watch out for.

And then came Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. He was exactly the guy I always wanted to be. Perfect. And he became my favorite actor. Every slam book, every profile, and I happily typed SRK as my favorite hero. I loved Kajol then, and I still do now, but with SRK, things took a different turn.

I missed watching Dil To Pagal Hai, and I kicked myself several times for that. But I watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. It seems to be the stupidest movie today, but I loved it then. And as usual, my favorite hero playing his role to perfection.

But slowly, I started getting bugged. His movies seemed all the same, his acting never differed even though he played different characters. ‘Duplicate” and ‘Yes Boss’ were like bull-shit. And that’s when I really started hating this guy.

I do admit I somewhere loved him in ‘Swades’, but the feeling of ‘hate’ spread so much in my blood, that I refused to acknowledge even if he acted well, and I made comments even without watching his movies. Heard ‘Chak de’ was good.

So, I’ve got no personal enmity with Mr. SRK. Therefore, I request all the girls not to harm me in any way. I am not able to walk safely on roads, especially when going to the vegetable market, as I constantly have this feeling of being watched. I promise my movie reviews won’t be biased and I won’t question anyone’s gender. Although Ishita’s not the type of girl who’d harm anyone, I know a few who can. So please spare me of your anger, my dad won’t get me a life insurance policy, and no insurance company would even give me one, knowing for a fact that my life’s always in danger, of killer girls !!

Its all about money, honey !!

I recently remember reading an article on the way salaries are paid today. It reminded me so much of my early years when dad was still working at HMT.

On salary day, dad would casually walk home, toss open his little bag and give me his salary for the month - a stack of notes. Not crisp and new, c'mon its HMT remember, pretty soiled but a stack of notes. Something around 9000/- bucks. Thats' all. But the satisfaction was unexplainable.

I was given the liberty of handling the money first. I carefully used to inspect it, count it (to make sure they have paid right), and then walked around with it for sometime. Finally, I hand it over to mom, saying "You wanted to buy some jewelery right ? Here, go gift yourself something with this". Of course, mom too would play this little game with equal excitement. She would take the money with extreme happiness, and after having a look at it, it would be returned back to dad.

The money made a full circle. It would now be used to pay for a lot of stuff, clear debts, manage the house etc etc and more etc. In fact, it was that time when the expenditure was more than the income - a deficit home budget. Here, each person knew that the money was not totally for themselves, they hardly got to keep anything, yet, we were so happy, felt so rich and important for an instant.

Today, morning, my brother's cell phone beeped with a message - "Your salary has been credited for this month". Life just did not feel the same as it was before.

Before - After

Today's babies are a lot luckier. Just realized this, after I saw my new-born nephew. There's so much of difference between today's babies and the babies of 1984 (coz I was born then).

Like, today, babies get to choose between a range of diapers, coming in different packages, colours, maybe even tastes. There's strawberry flavored, there's pineapple, and maybe there's even a mango (although all flavors are gonna smell differently once its put into use). We, on the other hand, the babies of 1984, just managed with a torn dirty 'dhoti' belonging to our fathers and forefathers discarded by them after 25 years of use.

Today's kids are photo-graphed, and have their videos taken, which they can look at after they grow. Perhaps its good in a way, they can see how dirty they were, and learn to respect their mothers a bit. The 1984 babies hardly know how they were a few years back, forget videos, there isn't even a photo of my naming ceremony.

Today's kids are absolutely dirty. They shit where they sleep, or on whom they sleep, they answer nature's call in the form of a musical fountain, and they cry and cry and cry. The 1984 babies excused themselves respectfully, went into the bathroom, flushed, and even closed the toilet seat cover.

A lot of money is given to today's babies. Money - which means nothing more to them than tissue used to wipe their private parts. The money obviously goes to the parents who use it to buy more and more of tissue boxes, and some perfume to refresh the room's atmosphere. The babies of 1984 were given nothing, not even a handful of change, and even if someone gave something, we do not know about it. Right now, I maintain my nephew's finances, so he can be assured his money is not gonna go anywhere else.

Babies sleep a lot and cry a lot. They are placed in expensive cradles, made to wear branded clothing, which comes even with a fancy hat, mosquito-net is provided, toys are all electronic and mostly require 4 batteries to work, and everyone pampers and adores the little one. The 1984 babies were real survivors. Our cradle (if it can be called one) was made from a bunch of discarded bed-sheets and worn out ropes. No mosquito nets, we wore pieces of cloth, our toys were not costlier than a piece of a stick.

Inspite of all these facilities, babies today refuse to speak anything for almost an year. Perhaps they are shocked and speechless looking at all their amenities. They are dirty, they don't clean up their stuff, they don't walk properly, they cry, their noses run, and they are lazy. I am sure you wouldn't believe if I said I used to wake up at 5-30am every morning and do Yoga exercises, when I was hardly 4 months old. Ok, thats too much exaggeration, but the point is, the 1984 babies are the best when it comes to survival. Full stop !!

Train journeys...

I become a little child when travelling in trains. I have always loved trains and railway stations. They are a world of 'magic' to me. Standing on the platform, and waiting for the train, the announcements, the sound of the train, its approach, its supremacy, blowing the wind against my face, the rush to board the train, and a "Phew !!" sound of relief, when we settle down on the seat next to the window ... its all an amazing journey. Its not just a journey, its a place of wisdom; from learning about how the signals work, to knowing the people sitting next to you - its a school in itself. From the rich guy in the next seat to the beggar ... each person is a walking book ... waiting to be read !!

I love the Bangalore - Hubli Intercity express ... coz its like a crash course ... you learn a lot ... and you reach your destination (in my case - Arsikere) very soon. This happened last week, when I was returning from Arsikere to Bangalore, aboard the Intercity.

There were 3 people sitting near me. One, whom we shall call as 'A' spoke a lot of philosophy. The second one, we shall call as 'B' , and he was a school teacher. The third would be 'C' and he repeated whatever 'A' and 'B' said.

'A' began talking about miracles ... the ones performed by 'sanyaasis' ... yeah yeah ... curing cancers with the touch of a finger ... producing watches out of thin air ... that kind !! He was particularly stressing on treatment of diseases, ones which even doctors couldn't. 'B' would often put his head down, as though he had done something wrong (like forgetting his wife's anniversary for a 100th time), while 'C' would repeat the last few words of whatever 'A' said.

'A' dominated the conversation for a long time, his talks ranging from the presence / absence of God, religion, caste system, relationship between the body and the soul and involving a whole lot of proverbs in between. 'B' was still looking lost (although he was a teacher), and 'C' continued smiling ... and continued repeating.

I was being a mute spectator all the while, not wanting to get myself buried under the volley of philosophies coming from 'A'. The train was fast approaching 'Tiptur'. Suddenly 'A' began talking about a school poem on 'Life and Death' ... 'B' agreed that he taught the same poem to his students, but unfortunately (and as usual) could not explain the same poem to 'A' and 'C'. 'A' hardly looked convinced, while 'C' began munching on a few peanuts.

The topic began shifting to 'Saddam Hussain' ... and immediately another person whom we will call 'D' joined in. He seemed more like a cartoon character, short and fat, but was pretty much aggressive when it came to criticizing Saddam. He was a Malayali, and so could not convey his opinions effectively. 'A' still dominated the conversation, and he also happened to look at Saddam as a great personality. 'B' looked confused, while 'C' supported both the views on Saddam. I thought of saying something, but swallowed my words ... the conversation needed a spectator.

Not being too happy about not being supported by 'D' over Saddam's issues, the philosopher 'A' shifted on again to the topic of life and death. He said "Shiva bittre manushya shava aagthaane" meaning - "If Shiva (the God) leaves your body, you will become a Shava (or a dead person)". At this, 'D' became so much impressed that he repeated those lines, and lifted his hand up several times gesturing appreciation. 'B' put his head down and smiled (probably at his pitiful situation) while 'C' was almost on the verge of clapping.

At Tumkur, 'B' bid everyone goodbye and walked off. He seemed to be hardly in this world. Now, 'A', 'C' and 'D' began arguing over the time the train would reach Bangalore. I was asked for an opinion, and I had to open my mouth (perhaps the three wanted to test whether I could talk). I agreed with 'D's opinion, at which 'A' looked very frustrated. He again began talking about God showing his presence everywhere. 'C' suddenly was tired and began drowsing off, while 'D' took over the responsibility of nodding his head. 'D' then excused himself saying he wanted to go to the bathroom, but he never returned (perhaps he threw himself off the moving train); tired from all the talking, 'A' opened a cover of 'Kadale Puri' ... I looked at the cover, with suspicion, what if he offers it to me, and what if he drugs me ... thankfully nothing of that happened ... 'A' gobbled at the Puri alone.

'C' opened his eyes for a second, and sensing that 'A' was preparing himself for another round of philosophy, covered his face with a handkerchief and slept off again. I had to get down at Yeswanthpur itself, and as I collected my bags, 'A' smiled at me. I smiled back.

Perhaps I won't meet any of these guys again for the rest of my life ... but the 2 hours I spent with them was so much fun ... each person carrying with himself an identity ... a uniqueness ... I have always loved train journeys ... they are a world of 'magic' to me !!

'Guru' the Movie

Time - 9:30am. Venue - Garuda Mall. Presently in the parking lot. What the hell ? 10 bucks to park my fuel-sucking bike...and I just recently watched a movie for 19 bucks on a balcony seat.

Time - 9:35am. Venue - Still the same Garuda Mall. Wow!! Huge place. My first visit. I looked around with eyes wide open, just like how a baby looks at the world around it. People everywhere, mostly college guys and girls.

Girls .... oh so they are all here ... now I realize where all Bangalore girls had vanished ... they are not in R.T.Nagar anymore ... they are all here ... but where the hell is Inox ?? I follow a group of girls ... hey no assumptions ... I'm just hoping they'll lead me to the multiplex ... 1st floor ... 2nd floor ... 3rd floor ... 4th floor ... where the hell am I going ... I hope I won't fall off this scary escalator ... are they going to the terrace ... mass suicide ... love disappointments ? Oh here's Inox ... finally !!

Friends haven't come as yet ... I'm scared to touch anything ... everything looks expensive ... even that sweeper who's glaring at me ... ah here come my friends ... now I need to fear nothing ... oh this was supposed to be a movie review right ... Cool screen ... cool seats ... cool ... in fact ... its too cool or rather too cold ... ssshhh the movie's starting ...

A 1950s story ... cool east-man color effect ... nice start ... a villager ... goes to Istanbul to earn money, earns almost enough to start his own business ... the first half of the movie accelerates at good pace ... Abhishek looks good ... Aishwarya Rai (a bit of a setback after Dhoom, but she wasn't looking good in that anyway), decent performance.

But hey, hold on, this Guru bhai is growing at too fast a rate ... last I saw him in a small office, now he owns cars, in an instant he's building a factory, the next instant he's the entrepreneur of Shakti Group of Industries. Too fast, too fast, how the hell did all this happen ... ok lets assume he did a lot of illegal stuff, bribed government officials, did not pay excise duties on imports ... fine i'll buy this explanation, but would have been better if I was shown how Guru became a business tycoon so soon.

Mithun da ... looks good too ... old man, but looks good. Now, whats Vidya Balan doing in a wheel-chair ? Multiple sclerosis ? Hey c'mon, she looks so good, she needs to dance around like a little girl, not sit on a wheel-chair. Make Aishwarya Rai sit on a wheel-chair rather. Ok, summary of first half - Guru bhai, starts off as a villager, and grows to become a big business tycoon, how I'm not sure, Aishwarya is his wife (whom he marries for the sake of dowry), Vidya Balan can't walk, but she adores Guru bhai.

Interval time ... cool urinals ... they emit red lights ... I did a bit of a disco with my body fluids ... had to stop when the guy next to me frowned.

What ?????????????????????????????? Popcorn and coke costs 70 bucks ? Are you crazy man ? Is he importing his pop-corns from Zambia ? I ain't paying anything ... you get it ... I ain't paying anything !!

I get back to my seat ... coke and pop-corn in hand ... with a lighter wallet ... hey the girl next to me keeps kicking me ... get yer feet off me woman ... these are my new trousers ... uff she kicks me again ... I was about to pour my coke inside her nose, when the movie started.

Second half ... I must ask my little brother to watch this movie ... and my dad too ... Second half is a bit of a dragger ... unnecessary songs ... 2-3 songs are pretty good ... Rehman's music ... naaaah doesn't sound like Rehman ... enter Madhavan ... Vidya Balan's life partner ... journalist ... with only one aim ... get Guru bhai down ... Guru's irregularities are slowly exposed ... but Guru fights on ... he faces an enquiry ... talks about 'India shining' for about 5 minutes ... good dialogues ... movie comes to an end ... you can take everything from him ... but not his courage ... b'coz Guru fights on

The cinematography is excellent ... dialogues are good ... I loved Abhishek, he's got this simplicity in him, he ain't handsome, his rugged features and unblemished smile makes you connect with his character immediately, Aishwarya looks less plastic ... Vidya Balan is adorable ... Mithun da is good ... Madhavan ... hmmm ... not too strong ... he needed to be more stronger

But .... yeah ... here's the but ... the movie lacks details ... superficially it looks good ... do a bit of introspection, and you'll get a whole lot of doubts ... some characters are neglected and not given a proper finish ... some songs occur at unnecessary places ... neither his growth is explained properly, how he's caught is not dealt with properly, how he gets out of the noose unblemished I still don't understand ... Vidya Balan is totally wasted ... Madhavan and Mithun never make their appearances during the conclusion ... Rehman's music makes you feel cheated ... on the whole it fails to bring about inspiration ... the viewer is still left confused over which path to take ... I thought I'd emerge out of the theater with so much of 'josh' that I would open an anti-Biocon company right opposite Kiran Mazumdar's office, but I came out of the theater still cursing the pop-corn guy and the parking attendant. I have watched movies that create so much of motivation that I had dreamt of becoming a Nobel Prize winner over-night. This movie creates no such effect, and whatever it did create is way too temporary that lasts only until you walk down the corridor to the restroom.

This movie, had a potential to be directed much better (remember, this is ManiRatnam), so it disappoints you there. But the positives exist too. The shooting is done in Badami, Melkote, Chennai and parts of Turkey, and the cinematography as I said earlier is really good. I haven't so much revealed the story, as I want you to watch this movie. The story has been compared to Dhirubai Ambani's Reliance story ... I don't know how far thats true ... but one needs to understand the difficulties involved in being an entrepreneur ... the movie does no preaching ... it just shows that there are grey shades to every character ... but hard work eventually pays. Watch it once ... its a 'different' movie ... literally

My ratings: * * *

My story isn't over as yet ... I walked over to the food court ... ate some Bhel-puri ... some crazy guy sitting next to us began preaching about going abroad ... and getting true value for our hard-work there ... he also talked about how important it is to think about what we need to give our country right now ... there was truth in what he said ... he also talked about the mall-culture ... yeah talk about it man ... and talk about that pop-corn guy as well ...

I had a look around again ... hey who are these people ... whose money are they feasting on ... I need to bring my brother here ... there are school kids here ... if I ask for a heavier wallet, my bro would put stones into it ... anyway not a place you take your girlfriend to ... if Guru brought Aishwarya Rai here, she would reduce his huge group of companies into a foot-path stall ... do you know she bought 11 banaras saris for her marriage ... yeah I've been reading a lot of Times of India these days

Finally I walked out ... had a lot of trouble finding my bike ... such a huge place man ... where did that guy who stole my 10 bucks for parking, hide my bike ... ah there it was ... I sped off towards MG Road ... I hardly felt my wallet now ...

And oh yeah ... remember that girl who kept kicking me throughout the movie ... know what I did to her ... naah I did not pour coke into her nose ... that coke was costly dude ... I threw a pop-corn on her ... she kept searching for whatever that hit her ... I'm a happy guy now ... and oh yeah, the movie, go watch it, its an ok movie, you might like it ... just know what markets, shares, debentures are ... that will help you...

Ideas of an Einstein

They say ideas flash at the weirdest of places. Who's 'they' anyway ? 'They' can be anyone - poets, scientists, artists, general public, sometimes even babies say so many things that we hardly pay any attention to. Like, my little nephew told me, when I met him for the first time, that 'inflation is the major worry for this Govt. in an otherwise booming economy'. Ok ... it sounded something like that ... but thats not the point !!

You have heard of great men getting inspiration from weird sources, be it a mountain or a bird or an insect or an ocean. Few people have asked me where I get my inspiration from ... to start off, I see happy people out there ... people with good jobs ... lots of money ... a loving wife ... cute kids ... theirs is the perfect life ... they are my inspiration ... that's how I get the encouragement to blog ... I blog ... and destroy their life ... they are less happier ... my incessant trash talk upsets their otherwise stable mind ... they fight with their wives ... they hit their kids ... they lose their job ... I wonder why I haven't been arrested yet

I guess you know I used to write a bit of poetry (if I can call it one) ... I think of lines in the weirdest possible places ... the poetry I wrote when my brother came back from U.S was something that flashed to me in the loo ... literally ... lines began flowing ... like the flow of my ... never mind !!

Maths had been playing lots of games with me ... it brought equal amounts of happiness and sorrow to me ... when I was stuck in a problem ... I felt so agitated that I hit everyone around ... but the solution never struck me ... and then I slept ... looking at the rotating blades of the fan ... cutting the air at different angles ... there was so much Maths everywhere ... and suddenly the solution struck me ... at the middle of the night ... if I was complacent I would forget it again ...

A girl at tuition was hitting on me ... and I always thought she was being overly-warm ... it took a long walk back home to realize what was actually happening ...

I won the first prize for Creative writing for all 3 years in B.Sc ... and most of those ideas I got were when watching mom's mega-serials ... I write poetry for the birthdays of my cousins ... and all the ideas hit me when I watch little kids play.

Today's greatest wonders were yesterday's ideas ... that cropped up in someone's mind ... ideas don't come when you sit in a Library ... or near your study table ... they come up when you venture out ... when you see the setting sun ... the kids play ... or anything enjoyable like going to the loo !!