Heyy Baby !

Wasn't too sure of watching this movie ... but watched it anyway, thanks to the CD given by a brother of mine ... I was having the main objective of learning how to look after a little baby ... I do have to look after my nephew ... but one thing's for sure ... this is the last movie I'd watch to learn anything ...

Ok the baby's damn cute ... a perfect match for my nephew who's a hunk himself ... and the first fifteen minutes of the movie is kinda fun ... with the trio of Akshay, Fardeen and Reitesh tryin to manage a monster baby who seems to eat eat and eat, and finally leave an evidence of that in the diapers ...

Enter Vidya Balan, and the movie suddenly becomes serious ... I won't bother you with the story ... as it is ... there's hardly any ... but then there's this fight between Vidya Balan and Akshay for the baby ... i was mistaken ... it ain't really supposed to be a comedy ... Boman Irani as usual fun to watch ... the ending too was a bit abrupt ... its a real short movie ... thankfully.

Some have liked this movie ... but they are only being too biased, or too lenient ... direction is really stupid ... Sajid Khan I think is the culprit ... his sister Farah Khan is a little better ... atleast she gets her casting right ... the movie is colourful ... and the 16 heroines featured in the title song ... are a pleasure to watch ... music and songs are fine ... the only positives you can carry.

But the movie ... Naaaaah !!

Rating: * *

When the phone rings...

I'm sure at some point of time ... you have been pestered with irritating phone calls ... asking you to take a big loan ... or buy some mutual funds ... or take some insurance scheme ...

Its sometimes so bad that, when you look at some girl near the grocery store and smile ... chances are that she works in some insurance company ... and she takes it for granted that you'd be interested in some stupid policy, and you'll be getting her calls regularly. And they never take 'No' for an answer ... either you have to give them a genuine reason, for which they will come up with a good explanation ... or else they would want to call you back after sometime.

Magically they obtain your mobile number ... and all your details ... and it seems like your entire biodata is in their hands.

This went on at home ... until I hit upon a novel idea ... one thing is common ... all these companies love someone with lots of money ... loans are offered for the richest of people ... that where I get transformed ... transformed into a miserable financially broke friendless depressing creature.

I got a call from a solar water heater company asking me to avail their installment schemes ... I explained to them how I have taken so many loans ... mortgaging even my home ... and I'm unable to pay anything back ... even my property might be seized. I never got a call from them ever since.

I explained to the insurance lady that I suffer from a rare condition ... and the surgery costs 25lakhs and in turn asked her to help me out with it. She never spoke to me since.

I explained to a particular banker that more than loans, I need friends, and asked him whether he would agree to be my best friend. I think he left the job, coz I never heard from him again.

I only hope all this wont backfire on me ... in case I need a loan or an insurance policy ... and the companies start referring to me as the miserable financially broke friendless depressing creature.

But until then ... I am free from these irritating callers ... the next time I get any call, I dont have to think twice about taking it.

Death ... just an event

Another usual event in the hospital. A 3-month old baby was suffering from brain haemorrhage ... a brain surgery was performed a few days back ... in vain ... it was totally dependent on a ventilator for its survival ... the parents of the little baby were asked when the ventilator should be removed ... the parents had to fix a date to 'kill' their baby ... it was today ... the ventilator was taken off ... it took just a few minutes ... why is life so unfair at times ?

Diaper dilemma

I have learnt the fine art of changing baby diapers. Of course, it took the birth of my nephew, for me learn this arduous task (which is obvious because none of us at home wear diapers otherwise). Life today is so confusing, there's so much to choose from, it would have been much easier if babies could decide on which product suits them best.

There's Pampers, Huggies, Johnsons, and more that follow. Few like Pampers and Huggies come with offers such as, buy 9 and get 2 free, which generally lures rookie customers such as 'me'.

And then, there are confusing terms such as pads, nappies and diapers. Of course, I try my best not to get confused ... I remember it in special ways, such as, diapers are those that makes a baby's bottom look huge ... and so on ...

Thanks to Velcro Technology, changing diapers today is real easy. Its just covering up the baby's bottom, and fastening. To this add lots of baby crying, his refusal to lie down, the diaper sliding below to his knees, and it getting wet immediately after successfully changing it. Diapers may have come with new technology, but what the heck can you do if the baby keeps wailing. I just deviate his mind by making such weird faces, one would think I suffer from Kidney stones ... but it works ... and voila ... job's done ... but in a few seconds ... its soaking wet again ... sheesh !!

Stayin connected with Nokia 1100

I'm committed ... to my phone ... its seen the best and worst days of my life ... its seen my moods swing from joy to anger ... its brought me lots of friends ... given me plenty of successful dates ... and also makes my entire family fume on me all the time.

I am real fast when it comes to typing messages. No I aint bragging, but I have surprised myself. I have mastered the art of typing with one hand, watching the TV and typing, and even typin messages with the mobile inside my pocket. But I have no idea what my typing speed is.

You should check out my keypad. Its a museum-piece, an exhibit for every curious looker. Its nothing but a white sheet of rubber. All markings have vanished. Its become so white, it resembles one of those white T-shirts in the Tide Detergent advertisement. Nobody even have a clue which button is to be pressed when my cell beeps. In a way, thats good, no one dare touches my cell-phone, and my balance remains safe.

And heck !! The mobile has seen some accidents too, fallen from the second floor, bashed against the wall, used as a hammer by my nephew, and god knows how many times my dad has sat on it ... it still continues to serve me faithfully ... and the moment it beeps ... I know ... my next date is fixed !!

ER !

I got the opportunity to spend the last 30 days in a hospital. Hey, don't worry, my kidneys are working just fine ... and I have nothing to do with pregnancy. But rather than call it an opportunity, I must say it was an experience.

Its a world of its own. Gloomy, terrifying, depressing, its just these kind of adjectives that suit a hospital atmosphere. Its sad, but true, everyone prefer visiting their mother-in-law's house rather than visit a hospital ... the reputation is that bad !!

At times of adversity, man unites. Its amazing, complete strangers walk up to me, and enquire about what's happened to whom. Some even go to the extent of comforting me, although I would have appreciated if they had bought me a cup of tea and some onion Pakodas (believe me, there are people who do this too). They tell their stories too, mostly saddening ones, but reflect the graveness of diseases.

But there are moments of fun too. Like the other day, I found this man trying to locate his friend in a labor room. Why he thinks his friend would go into labor I do not know. And there's this other guy to whom profanity is a permanent part of his vocabulary. His every third word of the sentence is an F word ... and he believes all doctors ought to be thrown into a dungeon forever, forgetting the fact that they are the ones who make him feel better, when his motions are loose.
And not to forget, the old man, who decided to take a nice nap right in front of the patient elevator, and refused to budge even though an old woman sitting on a wheel-chair had to be shifted to the General Ward. Upon waking him up, the man demanded that he too be given a proper bed in a ward, or else he'd refuse to pay up the bill.

But one thing is true. Staying overnight in a hospital is something everyone must experience. You really get to respect your life a lot more. Rather than complain that I have got Hitler as a brother, who still flatly refuses to buy me an i-Pod ... I'm more happy I'm passing urine efficiently, my heart pumps enough stuff for the whole body, my intestines are trying their best to search for vitamins in all the crap I eat, and my brain cells are distinguishing between sense and nonsense and all that stuff that gets into my brain. I'm damn lucky to be so alive and healthy ... death is just a daily event in a hospital ... I have seen almost 4 people passing away (from a 2 month old baby to a 50yr woman) ... after seeing all this, I have just dusted my old cycle again ... and I'L probably start off exercising this week ... you too ... live a healthy life ... and if you happen to visit a hospital, let it be only to flirt with the nurses, and not as a patient. Stay happy ... if possible avoid getting married. Kapish !!

Festival Time !!!

So its festival time !!! Which means lots 'n' lots of stuff to eat. So eat a lot ... build the size of your tummies ... speak good ... be good ... and give Lord Ganesha the responsibility to help you pass your exams (for which you still haven't started studying)