Hello brother...

I got 2 brothers I must really tell you about. One is Bharath's younger brother Sumanth, and another is a cousin of mine called Sudhanva.

Remember Sholay ? Remember Jai-Veeru ? Thats' what these 2 specimens are. The best of friends who discuss everything ranging from the 'Theory of Relativity' to the birds and the bees. These 2 are enough to change our world ... for the worse ... certainly.

Sumanth has just stepped into college ... but he's the bookwormish kind ... I should tell you, he knows the capital of every country in this world ... his brain is filled with encyclopedias of knowledge ... and he often talks referring to exact years. Look at a tree, and he says "It is 100 years old planted in the year 1907". A walking time-table. He used to study till 3am even when in School ... and his parents' only complaint is that he studies too much. He gets most of his genes from his dad ... whether he's talking to you on phone or face-face ... he's in atmost hurry ... as if he's got to catch a moving train ... or he's eaten too many peanuts, and he's feeling the after-effects. Bharath and Sumanth are the worst enemies in the universe ... they live together because they have no other choice ... compared to these, India and Pakistan can be considered friendly nations ...

But this guys's a blonde ... really fair ... and taller than his brother ... taller than me too. Funny person, very straight-forward in talk, and very attached to his cousins. And thats' where Sudhanva comes into picture. His closest buddy.

Sudhanva ... the guy who's just freshly learnt about the birds and the bees ... is bubbling with curiosity about the entire world now ... its like how a baby sees a flower ... he was a kid until last year ... someone who slept at 11pm and woke up at 6am ... 9th standard he is now ... and Biology seems to be one of his favorite subjects !!!

He's got a major memory loss ... always forgets stuff ... and then forgets what he had forgotten ... a museum piece he has become ... sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night ... and begins talking of something he tried to recall that morning ... very very funny ... his one liners are just getting better ... Math freaks him out (it has that effect !) ... he's the shrewdest trader I have ever known ... a cricket freak, whenever his friends lose Sudhanva's ball ... they have to deposit with him, their badminton net, a cricket bat, lots of cash, or anything valuable until they return a new ball. So, in course of time, Sudhanva has become rich, and his pocket money tells you the story of this to-be the greatest recovery-agent ever to be known. When he and Sumanthu get together ... things get real scary ... sometimes they talk such rotten stuff ... its frighteningly funny ... they crop up wild goose stories of how they pushed trains using their bare hands ... God ! You don't even want to hear this ... yet they are a valued addition to our team ... the Ram-Lakshman duo

School chale hum ...

I had to go back to school yesterday. No, not because my dad thought I need to start my education from scratch, but I had to get copies of my Xth marks card attested by the Principal, and believe me ... I was looking forward to go to school ... it had been 7 years since I last went there !!!

The gates looked the same. Buildings were more crowded ... the school, the kindergarten section, the stage area, and the auditorium. I tried to walk with composure, but adrenalin was pumping inside. Trying to figure out where the office used to be before, I walked to the same old place. It was now the Reception area, and things started looking confusing. Suddenly I saw a known figure walking down the corridor. I knew him. Red eyes, short stature, asking all kids to walk in a straight line ... he was our physical trainer Mr. ChandraShekhar. He existed when our school was built, he existed throughout my schooling, he's the good old physical trainer till today. He used to handle our Mass PT on Wednesdays ... and he was the funniest trainer you can ever meet.

He seemed to remember me ... i then moved onto the office place ... the place used to be the kindergarten section once ... but now, since the kids got a separate building, this room had become an office. School looked much more beautiful now ... more extravagant, high-tech, and stylish. As my attestation formalities were in process ... I met the one lady I dreaded to meet. Our high-school class teacher, also our Maths teacher. Maths has never been my cup of tea, and her periods have been nightmares. She was a wonderful teacher though, but I dreaded her classes as much as I dreaded the subject.

"Oh Suhas, how are you?" said she. I was stupefied. She knows my name !!! "Of course, I was your class teacher" she said, reading my mind. "You have grown so tall" she said, and I was thinking "What the heck !! And all this while I thought I was growing shorter". Then came our Kannada teacher 'Mrs. Lalitha Hegde'. She was one person whom we teased the most during class hours, but she still was real happy seeing me. I feared where she'll ask me to write an article for 'Kannada Rajyothsava' ... she used to say that even after I left school.

After identifying a few more teachers ... my attestation job was completed. I realized most of our teachers had left school, and had retired. One person I was dying to meet was Mrs. Gordon, our English teacher. She was the Queen of English. Old woman she was, but the most respected amongst all the rest. Heard she retired too ... Ma'am if you are reading this, I'm sure you'll be crying, not of joy, but upon seeing the number of grammatical errors I have committed. I owe whatever English I have to her ... she's the best English teacher ever !! I studied English in School only because I wanted her to be happy ...

School's changed in terms of the outlook ... it looks more flamboyant now ... the high-school girls are Katrina Kaifs, Priyanka Chopras and Deepika Padukones in the making (I also secretly wished I had born about 6 years later) ... skirts have gotten shorter ... fashion has creeped into every nook and corner of the building ... but the walls are the same ... you can keep painting them with glossy colours ... but they still echo the same sound ... as they did 7 years back ... the floors were the same ... somewhere, they had our foot-prints ... the doors were the same ... the toilets are there where they used to be ... somewhere we have contributed to it ... I looked back again as I walked out ... I may never come back to this school again (they don't even have an alumni association) ... this was my school ... the best 10 years of my life was spent here ... I had my first crushes here ... learnt about the birds and bees ... the troubles with friendships ... it hurts to realize we can never get this life back ... I looked at a couple of girls standing near the doorway ... just told them "Enjoy school life ... as much as you can ... " ... they blankly looked at me ... probably they'll realize what I said a few years from now ... and the cycle repeats

The Big B

I have a brother. Lets call him Bharath. Why ? That's his name, that's why you dumb idiot. Ok sorry sorry, I forget you are doing me a big favor by actually reading my posts.

So this Bharath is about 4-years younger to me. Engineering student, 3rd semester. Someone who greedily ate up jackfruit and mangoes as a child, he's a chubby plumpy brat. To me, he was a pest when he was a little boy, you could often find him jumping on me, or destroying high-tech toys that my dad gifted him, instead of a more deserving me.

He moved onto a residential school, sometime around his 6th standard, and our letter correspondence started. I share my longest letter correspondence with him, we wrote to each other almost for 5 years. I still have all his letters, and I loved his style of writing. We probably became better friends through our writing, and our friendship grew.

He came down to Bangalore for his college studies, and we started meeting more often. It was only then I realized that he was wonderful company. There was nothing we did not talk about - Cricket, Tennis, F1, Politics, Actresses, Models, Movies, Songs, Games, anything anything and anything. Talk of trade deficits of third world countries and he would have an opinion on that too. Very very aware he was, of what was happening around.

Don't you dare think our conversations were limited to such superficial aspects. Come midnight, and our real talk starts. Philosophy, figuring out what life is, family problems, everything was talked about. He's the kinda person with whom you'll want to open out and reveal everything, because he exactly understands what you are trying to say.

He's a monster when it comes to Internet Usage. The BSNL guys better read this part, he's the source of all your huge losses last year. 2.5GB is the download limit each month. He downloads hardly 2 GB worth data. But come happy hours (when Internet is literally free, 2am to 8am) he downloads whole movies, all amounting to about 15-20GB (sometimes even more) each month. Thats 15-20GB, can you imagine that ? And he's hoping his dad's gonna get him an Unlimited Internet Plan. If that happens, its better you quit BSNL and move onto AirTel or Sify, as I have a hunch that BSNL is shutting down pretty soon.

He has a big role in giving me one of the best birthday gift - the Calvin collection. Both of us love Calvin, I have slowly allured him to like F.R.I.E.N.D.S and he's begun to like it too. We agree on so many issues, but differ on a lot more (like Akshay Kumar movies for example, he loves them).

Probably that's what makes our relationship special, we laugh together, argue over stuff, enjoy together, fight with each other, and make it a point to put each other into big-time trouble, and are also the ones who rescue each other when one of us is in big-time trouble. He's turning out into a wonderful friend, and I look forward to a wonderful experience with this guy. He's got a cool dress sense, really brilliant, very tech-savvy, great sense of humor and 'single' (that's the most exciting part, ain't it ?)

Me ... growing younger

This October 23rd, I turned 21. Actually speaking, I turned 21 two years back, but I have this strange belief that I have stopped growing beyond 21 (voluntarily or involuntarily I can't say). I selected 21 as its the legal marriage age, and I am really tired of explaining this fact to every person who does not forget to mention my age as soon as he/she wishes me.

Either a birthday celebration is a 'typical one' like an early morning head-bath, a visit to a nearby temple, wearing a set of new trousers and a bright full sleeved shirt, distributing sweets, and making a vow to get transformed that very day to a perfect individual. Or else, its 'the better way' involving taking friends or family out to a posh restaurant, eating like a hog, doing something un-conventional like a cool outing, go-karting, whatever. Mine wasn't both. It was more of a 'trend-setting' style of celebration. Going to the garage to get my bike serviced.

Yeah ... I was gonna have a great birthday. I dropped off my bike at Infantry Road, decided to walk till Indian Exress, and catch a bus. The walk proved a bit tiring, not to mention my desperate tries to foil the attempts of the BMTC buses to run over me. Then, came the long wait for the bus. When it finally came, and I got in, I realised I had taken the wrong bus. He dropped me off near TV Tower, I had to walk to the bus stop again. Another long wait. And then comes this bus, where the driver is also a conductor. I quarrel with him for sometime, as he refuses to give me a ticket, and I really wanted to unravel my fight for social justice on my birth-day. Another long walk back home, and my legs were killing.

A short nap. Come evening, and come rains. Lots. I was under house-arrest. Nothing to do, I just opened my GRE text, and gulped a few words. Nothing registered. Watched TV for sometime. Then watched a Kannada movie - 'Duniya', loved it !!

I forgot to mention, all day, all afternoon, all evening, all night, I kept getting phone calls from friends and cousins. It was too too much this year. I was literally tired of receiving calls. On the contrary, few of my close friends forgot to even wish me. And one of my real close friend, first asked whether it was really my b'day that day, and then went on to wish me. Crap birthday !!


24th October, Venue - Home

Usual day, got up late, did all the usual stuff, had lunch, decided to read a couple of old letters I had written to sister-in-law. Heard a knock-knock. Who's there ? As I rub my eyes in amazement, I see a cousin and 2 of my younger brothers, all clean shaven, handsome, and grinning. There was a look of 'mischief' in their faces. Thinking this to be a trap, I maintained a bit of distance, but welcomed all home. They hand me over a big cover. What did it contain ? Sewage water that would splatter my face the moment I opened it ? I slowly peeped into it.

There was a greeting-card. It was a perfect birthday card. And a big big handwritten letter. I read it, I read it again and again. It was so so touching. Never realized my little brothers and sisters liked me so much. Every past experience, every memorable event, moments of fun, mischief, joy, laughter, adventure, grief ... was recalled. The whole letter was a journey back into the past. If I was a girl (which mom thinks I am), I would have really cried. I read the letter almost 8 times that day.

And then came the gift. A huge book of Calvin Hobbes collection. My dream possession. A book I was dying to have. A book that I hugged in every book store, or a book fair, but kept it back, as it was way too expensive, the book was all mine. They not only gave me a perfect card, not only wrote the perfect letter, but also found a perfect gift. And this was not one person's doing. The whole team of all my cousins, brothers, sisters teamed up, and contributed.

If this wasn't enough, my cousin Vikki also gave us a big treat for getting a job. To Cafe Coffee Day we went, ate a couple of veg burgers, somethin called a Submarine, Green Apple and Strawberry Sodas, came home and gobbled up a few Gulab Jamoons ... phew !!

Well, if those guys are reading this, I think you are just amazing. You made my birthday one of my favorite ones, because I realized how much you all love me. I have decided I shall write about everyone of them in this blog, how much they mean to me, and how they make my life complete (miserable sometimes ... no denying that ... they are the biggest brats too) I'm sure lucky to have all these bunch of people around, I realized they ain't just blood-relatives, they are also my really wonderful friends !!

Krishna

Its been a while since I have written movie reviews ... the reason behind this I discovered after much speculation ... and discussion with the professors at the science institute ... was because its been a while since I have watched any movie

My little brother Sumanthu ... watched one yesterday ... Krishna ... I've seen the shooting of this movie when I had been to Lumbini gardens ... met Ganesh there too ... its the same couple from Mungaru Male ... Ganesh and Pooja Gandhi ... so Sumanth writes this review ... hear this review from him ... and thanks Sumanth ... you made my job easier ... and its a wonderfully written review

Ganesh plays his real life role of a television anchor in the film. Like in his real life, he plays the role of an anchor of a comedy show. Krishna (Ganesh) is a chatter box. Even his friend Rama (Sharan) is also like that. Both are working in 'R Music', a chat show of the satellite television channel. He is widely appreciated and is the darling of the masses. His body language as a television anchor and as a casual worker, much earlier in the film is perfect. But the music is pale in comparison to all three previous films. The choreographers could have done a better job.

Krishna always fights with a girl Preethi (Pooja Gandhi). Preethi stays downstairs while Krishna in a rented accommodation on the first floor of the same house. Preethi likes Krishna as an anchor and even participates in many programmes anchored by Ganesh. He has a secret lover who always troubles him via telephone. She is none other than Preethi. After many tiffs with Krishna, Preethi proposes to Krishna. But Krishna reveals his own story. He was in love with a girl 'Anjali' and had even taken care of the problems of her family. But Anjali, on the advice of her parents, decides to marry another rich man. A dejected Krishna comes back to city to become an anchor.

Then he comes across the same Anjali, but who had been cheated by the rich man. Krishna helps Anjali to complete her medical course. Meanwhile, Preethi is still hopeful of marrying Krishna. And then Anjali seeks pardon from Krishna and she wants him to marry her. What happens later forms the climax. That I cant tell you. Will Ganesh deliver a fifth consecutive hit? We have to wait and watch.

For bookworms...

You must be knowing about the Book Fair ... in Palace grounds ... have to go ... but there are some books I'd really buy ... no matter what the cost ... I'd love to see these titles this time ... bet you ... they' d be best-sellers:

1) How to pass the GRE exam without taking it up

2) Baby diapers, pads and nappies - explanation with illustration

3) How to get a girl-friend who pays the restaurant bill (all the time)

4) A book for illiterates (written in elegant English)

5) The big book of Deepika Padukone (free wallpapers inside)

6) Why today's music sucks (Linkin Park Audio CD enclosed)

7) The big book of doubts which fathers hate to answer (This should be fun !)

8) The "Why" series (as in why do you care ?)

9) The big book of money (Cut them and use them, use scissors under parental guidance)

10) The story of Suhas (this one will beat the Harry Potter series)

Suhas ... to the rescue

October 15th marks another milestone in my life. Its exemplary ... that I have become a real achiever this month. Went into contemplation ? Stop Stop ... i have neither been nominated for next year's Nobel Peace Prize (although I could be) ... or I have not decided to pledge my eyes (I have black-and-white vision, few people know that) ... I successfully helped my nephew Arya put on a shirt.

What ? Why are you rubbing your eyes so much ? Did you not get the picture ? Hello ... you think dressing up a 9-month old brat is easy ? I bet you cannot even button his shirt even once.

There are techniques ... i acquired them from different sources (that I cannot disclose for security reasons) ... but all I can say is ... the real way to put a shirt on an infant is ... let not the hand get into the sleeve ... but let the sleeve get into the hand ... intricate ain't it ? What isn't ?

This whole 'baby' thing in itself is so intricate. I mean ... I don't understand how God can stuff so much into that little fleshy creature. Babies are monsters ... I discovered that. They know how to allure you with their cheezy smiles and get their jobs done in return. They know that a tiny threat to burst out crying can make you go soft on him. They know everything ... its in-built ... operating system with fully loaded utilities and all ... But there are ways ... manipulative ones ... to evade them. I learnt them.

For example, an irregular movement of your fingers can cause interest in an otherwise about-to-cry baby. Expensive toys and furry animals are nothing more to these babies than surfaces for wiping their wet posterior. Give them the price tag, that comes along with your new trouser, and they play hours and hours with it. Give them a thread that is protruding from your vests, and they get ecstatic about it.

And when a baby grabs on a dangerous object, such as a wire, or a sharp wedge, things get real tough. You snatch that from him ... and you invite a 30-minute continuous sobbing. Give him another play-item, he'll take it in another hand, but wont let go of the dangerous object at all. What do you do ? Seconds tick ... its only a few moments before he pokes himself with it ... sweat starts trickling on your forehead ... tricky ... very tricky ... Here comes me to the rescue ... snatch the object from his hand, with such a force, that he should be stupefied on what just happened ... immediately substitute it with a bright colored or noisy object (anything ... even a missile launcher will do) ... and then start dancing as if it is time for celebrations ... do a bit of the junglee dance (take of your trousers ... and cover it up with spiny leaves) ... but do a weird dance ... and the little baby gets distracted ... and forgets the sharp object permanently ... voila !! We are done !!

So all you mommies out there ... come to me for special tactics ... first come first serve basis ... free seats available for only 100 rupees per technique ... and all you daddies ... i also do a special coaching on how to dispose of the diapers and clean the baby's ... uh ... stuff ... without getting them on your hands ... Why fear when me is here

I'm all spiced up !!

17th is a big day for me. And for Vodafone too. My Hutch 777 plan of 1-year validity dies a sudden brutal death ... and I would be left ... networkless ... sad ... painful ... and hungry. But there's good news too ... I jump to Spice ... Spice hai to life hai ... aur Priyanka Chopra mera wife hai (Pathetic ain't i ?)

So as Vodafone bids goodbye to Hutch ... I bid goodbye to Vodafone ... with still no good offers ... and costly plans ... I had no other choice ... brother thinks I dont deserve Airtel ... which by the way has awesome network all over Karnataka ...

But my Nokia 1100 is seriously ill ... it keeps switching off ... anyone wanna exchange your Nokia N95 for my cell ? Right now, its too early to say ... its been kept under observation ... but my phone is showing positive improvement ... its not given me problems from yesterday ... lets hope for the best !!

And as for my number ... just call and ask :-)

Its a "Black" world out here...

Watching a movie in a theater these days, is a real expensive affair. Its a way of exhausting all those nickels and dimes saved over a period of an year with great difficulty ... with just one go. And to make things worse ... I have to shell out 150 bucks for a terrible Hindi movie ... not to forget the parking fee for my fuel-sucking bike and the pop-corn coke combo for which I end up paying ... and my friends end up gobbling them up ... all the time !!

We were to have a movie get-together this Sunday evening. Vaibhav theater. 6-15 show. Bhool Bhulayya the movie. A bad re-make of Aptamitra. But thats secondary. I go there to book tickets on a Saturday noon ... and a fat man at the gate says its all sold out !! Poof !! Our plans were washed away just like most of the Hindi movies get washed away from the box office these days. "How many tickets do you want?" asks the fat man. "11" I say ... hoping against hope that he knows some tantrik who can produce movie tickets from a pile of ash. "Ok, it will cost you 150 bucks per ticket" says the fat man. "What the heck ??" think I. What are the tickets doing in this man's pocket when it should be at the counter. Fine ... he's selling it in black, but he's from Vaibhav theater itself ... now if these theater guys themselves start selling tickets in black, what the heck will the public do ?

They dont do anything. They just go buy tickets ... no matter what the cost. Idiots they are, either they are way too rich, and scared that if they dont spend money, their dad's gonna invest them in mutual funds, or it is the typical boyfriend who's scared where his girl would think he is stingy, so buys the tickets anyway. "This is not happening" I thought. Straight ... I walked ... to Sanjaynagar Police station ... brought 2 policemen along with me ... to the theater.

Now I thought these policemen had come to catch those culprits. But it seems these guys had other plans. Against my wishes, the 2 brave policemen walked a king's walk ... wielding their stick like a missile launcher ... and within a fraction of a second ... I could see plenty of people running inside the theater ... and then the policemen look at me and ask "Where are those people selling tickets in black ?"

"They are certainly not in my pockets" I wanted to say. The policemen looked for them in the theater ... couldn't find anyone except one ... who did not have any tickets on him ... so was spared. I kept grumbling that this was the man who asked me 150 bucks ... but the policemen were helpless ... "We can't do anything unless we catch them red-handed" they kept saying. The owner of the theater looked a bit confused ... a bit angry ... and was a bit under trepidation as people were crowding around to watch what was happening. But not one person came forward to say that tickets were being sold in black. They were satisfied that they had their tickets, safe in pockets ... and their girlfriends would be happy ... no movie would mean to them ... taking their girl to an expensive restaurant ... this was certainly a better option.

After all the melodrama ... the police guys screamed a bit at everyone ... (even movie goers were not spared) ... he then made an emphatic speech on why Vaibhav must also screen Kannada movies (maybe his wife was constantly nagging him to take her to PVR) ... and then escorted me out ... the owner of the theater came out too ... perhaps to catch a glimpse of me ... to get me beaten if I linger around there again ... and then it was a ride back home for me.

I don't care that those guys weren't put behind bars ... its enough that they now know that some people can go to the extent of complaining ... and that they must be more cautious when carrying out all illegal work ... probably the theater is running into loss ... and they had to adopt this method ... whatever ... but my job's done.

Don't just accept tickets in black ... if you find such a thing's happening ... file a complaint ... dont worry, those theater guys wont do anything to you ... their diminishing finances are their biggest problems ... so they wouldn't want to invite more problems.

No movie this weekend though ... my cousins might turn up ... so probably its gonna be limited to watching some Kannada oldies in my good old DVD player ... actually I did call that theater guy again in the evening ... to ask if tickets were available in black ... he got real angry ... perhaps he was reminded of something ... or someone !!!

She's back

For all those wondering what the heck happened to my cousin ... she's fine ... took her a whole month to come outta the hospital ... but more importantly she made it ... now she's eating like a pig ... she can devour a hippo and still feel like eating a camel ... so thanks a tonne for your prayers ... I told you ... God does give a look when he receives bulk-mail ... thanks thanks and lots of thanks